44 Reasons To Drink Wine (And How To Justify The Shit Out Of It)
We've all been there. Deliberating, eyes darting back and forth, trying to make the decision, a bead of perspiration tracing down your forehead. Should you, or should you not drink wine tonight/today/this morning. While there may be plenty of reasons not to (yeah right) I'm not here to talk about those. I'm here to help you justify the shit out of having that glass of wine. Let's do this.
It's 5:00 somewhere. That's for sure a thing. Someone even wrote a song about it.
Because it was on sale! Who can walk away from a great sale. (Happy hour counts.)
The bottle has been open for two day now, and if you leave it any longer, it's a waste. And there are children starving in this world!!!! It is downright RUDE to be wasteful.
Coffee ran out.
You had too much coffee and you need to calm yourself the fuck down.
If you can commit to burning off those calories tomorrow. Fun fact: a 6oz glass of wine is approximately 125 calories. That's not that bad. Here are some creative ways to burn 125 calories. (I know, total sidebar. But let's go with it.) *Super informative and useful tips sourced by LiveStrong.com. Mad props for helping us justify wine.
Lift weights to burn calories and strengthen your muscles. A typical strength-training session burns 70 calories in about 23 minutes, 20 seconds if you weigh 125 pounds; in about 18 minutes, 45 seconds if you weigh 155 pounds; and in about 15 minutes, 48 seconds if you weigh 185.
You’ll burn calories at about the same rate by
bowling
tossing a Frisbee with friends
playing volleyball casually or
doing slow to moderate dancing
IMAGINE HOW MUCH YOU COULD DRINK IF YOU DID FAST DANCING?!
Go for a walk. At a modest 3.5 mph -- that’s a pace of 17 minutes per mile -- a 125-pound individual burns 70 calories in about 17 minutes, 30 seconds. You’ll drop those 70 calories in just over 14 minutes if you weigh 155 pounds or about 12 minutes if you weigh 185.
Other activities that burn calories just as quickly include
gymnastics
horseback riding
tai chi
competitive volleyball
water aerobics
Hatha yoga
7. If you didn't eat very much today. Whether by accident or on purpose.
8. If you commit to eat salad for every meal for the rest of your life. Then you totally deserve wine. (Hmm maybe I should consider that...)
9. Someone yelled at you today.
10. You yelled at someone today.
11. You are crying, or feel the need to cry.
12. You heart was just broken. (Like when the love of your life leaves you, or you find out the guy who works at the bagel shop you've been lusting over is MARRIED! Ugh.)
13. Your best friend's heart was just broken. Solidarity!
14. Your long-distance friend is in town visiting.
15. Your next-door neighbour is visiting. (It would be rude not to offer him/her something to drink, and water is bologna.)
16. Your monthly friend is visiting. (Let's be honest--cramps are agony and you can having anything you fucking want without feeling guilty.)
17. You work hard for yo money.
18. It's Thursday, and you're watching the latest episode of Scandal.
19. You're watching Scandal reruns on Netflix on any day.
20. Your friend just got engaged.
21. Your friend's boyfriend just cheated on her.
22. Your friend just got dumped.
23. Your friend just got divorced.
24. If any of the above happened to you, well obviously. In those situations you should not be consulting this blog. POP THAT FREAKING CORK RIGHT NOW! STOP QUESTIONING YOURSELF SO MUCH!
25. Your girlfriend is traveling for work and is drinking alone in a lobby bar and you're texting and you don't want her to feel alone because you're a good boyfriend, so you need to drink some too. (Currently happening as I write this. My boyfriend is the best.)
26. Wine is proven to be nutritious and healthy. Here are 10 articles to prove that to you.
27. They are always drinking it in Game of Thrones, and so that makes it right. Bonus points if you have a goblet or chalice to drink out of, like Tyrion Lannister.
28. If you're going to a Toga Party (the Greeks are super into their wine, you know). Or if you have a toga costume you want to strut around in at home.
29. If there's leftovers after Sunday service at Church. (See #2 re: waste)
30. If you're in Italy.
31. If you're planning a trip to Italy, and need to get into the spirit.
32. If you're watching Under The Tuscan Sun.
33. If you're eating pasta. Let's be honest, it was MADE to be enjoyed with wine.
34. If you're "wine tasting". This is a classy activity, remember. This is a hobby. I once had this on my resume under "Special Interests". Someone told me to take it down--thank goodness.
35. It enhances your hilarity.
36. It enhances your sex drive. (Disclaimer: Sometimes this has the opposite effect. Beware.)
37. It enhances your partner's already exceptionally good looks. (Partners, if you're reading this, you should be encouraging them to have another glass, no?)
38. It enhances your writing abilities. (Obviously. But this does have the opposite effect on your typing accuracy. Spell check is my friend.)
39. You like the way the glass just fits in your hand. It's like... magic.
40. Your kid tells you it's Wine Time. (Oh you've trained him well... muhahahaha!)
41. If you're having steak. Duh.
42. You just need a night cap. (It might help you sleep?)
43. It tastes super fucking delicious. Nuff said.
44. Your teeth are too white. (Insert Ross from Friends reference.)
So with that, crack the bottle, drink it down, and don't for a second think twice about it. There has GOT to be a reason above for you.
